Monday, August 13, 2012
My Confession
August 1st, 2012
Dear Peter, siblings, nieces and nephews and to all whom this is concerned
I find it ironic that as I sit to write this note Peter that it is close to what would have been our 37th anniversary. Perhaps this is the gift you never got, Peter, and which I should have shared years ago. But I was not ready then for God to reveal to me my own sin. However, as I have grown and spent more time with my Savior I have found the closer I get to him the more my weaknesses are revealed. Who can come into His presence unless He sanctifies and cleanses them?
In fact, Psalm 15:1 asks this question: Who shall abide in thy tabernacle? Who shall dwell in thy holy hill? The answer to that close intimacy with God is in the passage itself. For it goes on to share that “the man that walks upright and does righteousness and speaks the truth in his heart” shall there abide. On the other hand it infers those who won’t abide or dwell in God’s tabernacle is the one who “backbites/ slanders with his tongue, or does evil to his neighbour or casts a slur upon his neighbour”.
Perhaps these words mean nothing to you and if they seem at all religious, forgive me. I have been accused of preaching before and that is not my intention here. Please bear with me one and all.
This morning, I recognized something, Peter; in my wound-ness and hurt, that I was guilty of speaking badly of you after we separated. I was angry and very hurt. This does not justify my attitude and words that were slanderous and would have cast a slur upon you. Making judgements are usually based on truth but we are not to judge! We are to speak highly of one another. I did not. I came to realize this through my big sister Theresa. She always had a good word to say about you. I knew she was right. It might have irritated me at the time but she was right. I knew you to be good in so many ways: you loved your family and looked after them and only wanted the best for them. You thought that was your job and you fulfilled that role.
You were generous to me and even more so after we separated. I loved the cottage. It was the best gift you ever gave me. Thank you for that and the many gifts you plied me with. You were also wonderful with my family as you knew your responsibility extended to them as well. I for my part must ask them all to forgive me for not being as responsible as you are. You are still sending money in the mail. I heard about your gift to young Brian. How sweet that is.
You were also good to our nieces and during those years when Mary was in the hospital you allowed my sister and her family to come and stay with us. Every year you blessed all of us when Martha, Bill, and the girls would come at Christmas and during the summer. Your biggest kindness was taking me and our nieces to Florida and giving us all such wonderful memories. I do hope the girls’ recall, with love, all you did for them. I do. Thank you Peter for being such a good uncle to them all.
Your life with me mattered, Peter. It had good fruits. I see it when I hear your niece Kathy came to you for advice. Michaela would possibly not be here if not for your forwardness. All of us were blessed by you and I, for my own sake, know I am who I am today because of your effect on me both good and bad. I am much more assertive, thanks to you. I am much more caring for others, thanks to you. I am who I am because of those 22 years of marriage. I thank God for who I am today and I know no matter what happened I had no right to talk poorly of you. I know what that feels like. I am truly sorry. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.
And all of you, dear family, I hope you can forgive me for saying anything negative about the man I married and that you all loved. I pray it is erased in your hearts and this letter leaves you with good and kind thoughts of Peter. Please remember us both in your prayers.
God bless you, Peter and God bless all of you, my family.
Margaret
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Not By Might Nor By Power
Christmas Morning arrived quietly without noise, or chatter or fanfare of any kind. Deciding not to exchange gifts again for the third year eliminated much of the stress that usually accompanies Christmas. Mary was getting use to it. Somehow, however, this bothered her for some reason she couldn’t quite put her finger on. “Perhaps it was just getting too easy,” she thought to herself. “Perhaps it is getting too darn easy for our own good,” she added.
At the last minute (a few days before Christmas) Mary had suggested to Robin that perhaps they should each take $50 of the $100 her sister had sent them for Christmas and shop for each other. Robin thought it was too late in the season to do that so Mary had spent the money on groceries instead. Mary had been disappointed in this and decided that no matter how difficult it was for them next year that they would exchange gifts even if it only meant exchanging little tokens of love.
However, despite the lack of gifts under the tree Mary and Robin blessed each other with pretty cards and lovely verses. Mary had found a card that said exactly what she could have spent a full page writing in a brief but beautiful summation. Robin had taken the time to write Mary a note and this meant a lot to Mary. She would hold the words close to her heart.
The day was filled with a beautiful peace that descended on their home like a white snowfall on a dark night. Good and surprising news had come from her sister Martha who lived in the states. Mary had been praying for this sister and her marriage for a long while. It had been a sad affair and the couple had a friendly separation. Oddly, they seemed to spend more and better time together since their marriage break up that had occurred only months after they married back in 2003. On this particular Christmas Martha and her beloved had decided to take a trip to the coast in their mobile home. It surprised Mary even though she shouldn’t have been; she had encouraged her sister to do something this Christmas when her three grown children had indicated they wouldn’t be home for Christmas. But for her sister to end up going away with her ex amazed Mary.
So on this Christmas morning Mary was even more flabbergasted when her sister phoned and reported:“Ray and I got married again”. Mary had said nothing. In fact, Mary’s long pause was obvious and her sister Martha laughed nervously to break the silence.
“How wonderful!” Mary finally said, and she meant it. “I have been praying for you too for so long. I am so happy for you. When did this all happen?” Mary asked, curious about the details. Martha proceeded to share her jubilation over the big event and the particulars over the day. Apparently, it had happened three days prior to this and they had found a judge still available to do the deed.
When Mary got off the phone she found herself highly elated for her sister and amazed even though she shouldn’t have been. She had prayed after all for them, hadn’t she? So why did it seem like such a surprise to Mary? Well, dear reader, it seemed to Mary that her own prayers for herself, regarding her finances and a career seemed to be landing on deaf ears. Though Mary knew God wasn’t deaf by any means Martha’s good news seemed to indicate that at the very least He just wasn’t responding to her needs right now.
Later in the afternoon Theresa, Mary and Martha’s sister emailed Mary elated for Martha. Theresa had written:
Christmas Day, Boxing Day and the following Monday Mary felt God continue to speak to her regarding her own Christmas wish: to know His will for His life. Christmas Day God had spoken and told Mary to Rest in Him or Be Still and wait patiently before Him to act. This encouragement was from Psalm 37; a familiar scripture which Mary read with new hope in her present situation. God would act on her behalf and she just needed to be still. The following day the reading was from Exodus 14 and God’s words to Moses at the parting of the Red sea spoke loud and clear to her: she was to stand still and see the salvation of the Lord just as the Israelites did when the great waters separated before them drowning their enemy, the Egyptians in the process.
Finally, on that very lovely Monday morning God reminded Mary of the prophet Zechariah’s encouragement regarding the rebuilding of the temple after Israel had been in captivity for 70 to Babylon. The prophet had said
“It is not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, says the Lord Almighty” (Zechariah 4:6). As Mary read from the commentaries on this passage her hope was renewed that God was at work on her behalf in her own situation. God through His Holy Spirit was fighting for her. She became even more excited however when she read the next verse which added "Nothing, not even a mighty mountain will stand in [your] way, it will flatten out before you". Mary harkened back to the thoughts and memories of Ireland and the mountain she had seen their looming in the mist, seemingly so insurmountable. God was speaking directly into her own situation! What a Christmas gift: God’s will for her life included His mighty power to flatten any mountains she faced!
Later that day as Mary drove to Windsor to pick up Robin she listened to a speaker on the radio. She didn’t normally get to hear his radio show because she usually left later. However, today she had decided to hit one or two of the big box stores to see what the Boxing Day sales were like. So it was about an hour earlier when she caught the ministers’ talk. Interestingly enough it was about restoration and how God was doing something and going to restore some people. What was interesting was the lecturer repeated himself more than once and directed his attention specifically to people he thought who were in his radio audience that had been called and had been somehow robbed of that call.
As Mary drove along she found herself pulled in to his discussion as if he was speaking to her alone. It was as if God was giving her a prophetic message through this man – that He was about to restore her. It impressed Mary greatly because already that day another minister had said something on the subject of restoration. A well known woman speaker had suggested from her take on Isaiah 61 that those who had gone through losses would "inherit a double portion of prosperity” or “double for their trouble”, as she put it. Mary had a busy day but threaded throughout were thoughts of these words of promise and whispers of hope.
She went to bed that night feeling deep within her a sense of God’s comfort. It instilled within her an inner peace she had not known for quite some time. She had thought the quiet streets of town had been the source of her quiet spirit but she realized that her surroundings only personified her existential situation. The New Year was coming and with it new challenges and the long awaited mountain Mary had feared since she had viewed it in Ireland. But despite this mountain and the difficulties it posed God was promising Mary He would be with her. It wouldn’t be by her power or might but His Spirit she would overcome. And that mountain she feared: well, when it came she would face it with Him who promised to level it. Yes, the New Year was just around the corner and Mary was excited that restoration was coming.
At the last minute (a few days before Christmas) Mary had suggested to Robin that perhaps they should each take $50 of the $100 her sister had sent them for Christmas and shop for each other. Robin thought it was too late in the season to do that so Mary had spent the money on groceries instead. Mary had been disappointed in this and decided that no matter how difficult it was for them next year that they would exchange gifts even if it only meant exchanging little tokens of love.
However, despite the lack of gifts under the tree Mary and Robin blessed each other with pretty cards and lovely verses. Mary had found a card that said exactly what she could have spent a full page writing in a brief but beautiful summation. Robin had taken the time to write Mary a note and this meant a lot to Mary. She would hold the words close to her heart.
The day was filled with a beautiful peace that descended on their home like a white snowfall on a dark night. Good and surprising news had come from her sister Martha who lived in the states. Mary had been praying for this sister and her marriage for a long while. It had been a sad affair and the couple had a friendly separation. Oddly, they seemed to spend more and better time together since their marriage break up that had occurred only months after they married back in 2003. On this particular Christmas Martha and her beloved had decided to take a trip to the coast in their mobile home. It surprised Mary even though she shouldn’t have been; she had encouraged her sister to do something this Christmas when her three grown children had indicated they wouldn’t be home for Christmas. But for her sister to end up going away with her ex amazed Mary.
So on this Christmas morning Mary was even more flabbergasted when her sister phoned and reported:“Ray and I got married again”. Mary had said nothing. In fact, Mary’s long pause was obvious and her sister Martha laughed nervously to break the silence.
“How wonderful!” Mary finally said, and she meant it. “I have been praying for you too for so long. I am so happy for you. When did this all happen?” Mary asked, curious about the details. Martha proceeded to share her jubilation over the big event and the particulars over the day. Apparently, it had happened three days prior to this and they had found a judge still available to do the deed.
When Mary got off the phone she found herself highly elated for her sister and amazed even though she shouldn’t have been. She had prayed after all for them, hadn’t she? So why did it seem like such a surprise to Mary? Well, dear reader, it seemed to Mary that her own prayers for herself, regarding her finances and a career seemed to be landing on deaf ears. Though Mary knew God wasn’t deaf by any means Martha’s good news seemed to indicate that at the very least He just wasn’t responding to her needs right now.
Later in the afternoon Theresa, Mary and Martha’s sister emailed Mary elated for Martha. Theresa had written:
It’s a Christmas of miracles all around. Martha being married, little Brian off drugs and not facing jail time like last Christmas, Katherine happy again, Sally 2 in town got to church for the first time in her life last night on Christmas Eve. She was raised without God and over the last few years I have given her simple instruction in being a Christian. Two weeks ago I baptized her and the next day she met and became friends with a United Church minister (a woman) from the IslandYes, it was a miracle and as Mary looked at all the people Theresa had mentioned in her email she realized she and Robin had prayed for each and every one of them including her sister Theresa! What this did for Mary was encourage her that God was in the business of answering prayers and would answer hers in due time. For now she would enjoy the miracles of this Christmas and the answered prayer for so many she had petitioned God for on their behalf.
Christmas Day, Boxing Day and the following Monday Mary felt God continue to speak to her regarding her own Christmas wish: to know His will for His life. Christmas Day God had spoken and told Mary to Rest in Him or Be Still and wait patiently before Him to act. This encouragement was from Psalm 37; a familiar scripture which Mary read with new hope in her present situation. God would act on her behalf and she just needed to be still. The following day the reading was from Exodus 14 and God’s words to Moses at the parting of the Red sea spoke loud and clear to her: she was to stand still and see the salvation of the Lord just as the Israelites did when the great waters separated before them drowning their enemy, the Egyptians in the process.
Finally, on that very lovely Monday morning God reminded Mary of the prophet Zechariah’s encouragement regarding the rebuilding of the temple after Israel had been in captivity for 70 to Babylon. The prophet had said
“It is not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, says the Lord Almighty” (Zechariah 4:6). As Mary read from the commentaries on this passage her hope was renewed that God was at work on her behalf in her own situation. God through His Holy Spirit was fighting for her. She became even more excited however when she read the next verse which added "Nothing, not even a mighty mountain will stand in [your] way, it will flatten out before you". Mary harkened back to the thoughts and memories of Ireland and the mountain she had seen their looming in the mist, seemingly so insurmountable. God was speaking directly into her own situation! What a Christmas gift: God’s will for her life included His mighty power to flatten any mountains she faced!
Later that day as Mary drove to Windsor to pick up Robin she listened to a speaker on the radio. She didn’t normally get to hear his radio show because she usually left later. However, today she had decided to hit one or two of the big box stores to see what the Boxing Day sales were like. So it was about an hour earlier when she caught the ministers’ talk. Interestingly enough it was about restoration and how God was doing something and going to restore some people. What was interesting was the lecturer repeated himself more than once and directed his attention specifically to people he thought who were in his radio audience that had been called and had been somehow robbed of that call.
As Mary drove along she found herself pulled in to his discussion as if he was speaking to her alone. It was as if God was giving her a prophetic message through this man – that He was about to restore her. It impressed Mary greatly because already that day another minister had said something on the subject of restoration. A well known woman speaker had suggested from her take on Isaiah 61 that those who had gone through losses would "inherit a double portion of prosperity” or “double for their trouble”, as she put it. Mary had a busy day but threaded throughout were thoughts of these words of promise and whispers of hope.
She went to bed that night feeling deep within her a sense of God’s comfort. It instilled within her an inner peace she had not known for quite some time. She had thought the quiet streets of town had been the source of her quiet spirit but she realized that her surroundings only personified her existential situation. The New Year was coming and with it new challenges and the long awaited mountain Mary had feared since she had viewed it in Ireland. But despite this mountain and the difficulties it posed God was promising Mary He would be with her. It wouldn’t be by her power or might but His Spirit she would overcome. And that mountain she feared: well, when it came she would face it with Him who promised to level it. Yes, the New Year was just around the corner and Mary was excited that restoration was coming.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Hinds' Feet
Mary had run out of people to share her marvellous experience: seeing those beautiful deer that came so quickly and went just as speedily up the side of the ridge. Despite this the memory of the animals stayed fresh in her mind and were there in her thoughts the next morning in prayer. She decided to check out the word “deer” in her concordance and found another passage besides the one that had come to her the day before. This new scripture was found in both 2 Samuel 22 and Psalm 18: “He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights.” Intrigued and curious about this passage Mary read a few more Bible translations to see how others had interpreted it.
It was the last translation she looked at that supplied a note of recognition to the verse. This passage in the King James Version was all too familiar. It deciphered the original text this way: “He makes my feet like hind’s feet: and setteth me upon high places”. Mary had read a book years and years ago by Hannah Hurnard entitled Hinds Feet on High Places. It was a metaphor for the story of the Christian walk showing the struggle of the main character, Much Afraid, as she journeyed through life and up a mountain of troubles.
Mary had identified with this story in her past life as she struggled through a tough marriage and her personal struggles with being a Christian. When Mary's first marriage ended and she had finished university she had gone to Ireland to celebrate. While there she found herself driving through the Connemara Mountains. She saw their beauty and greenness from around the lower edges and watched sheep and goats graze upon its emerald loveliness. At the time she saw herself having arrived at this peaceful place in the valley accomplishing the feat of overcoming the obstacles within the first half of her life. She had climbed her mountain and with God’s help had arrived.
However, before she left Ireland she stayed at a beautiful hotel in the north west of the island. Looking out her bedroom window was the view of the tallest and most daunting mountain she ever saw. It stood majestically in the clouds, so it seemed as the early morning mist shrouded it in mystery. While she looked upon this vision God spoke in her heart and told her this was the next mountain in her journey, the next challenge of her life.
As Mary thought back to that day she remembered how fearful she was of taking upon herself this confrontation. She had left that place and the Green Isle trying to forget what she saw and what God said to her. Today she realized that she was about to face that second half of her life journey and that mountain. Yesterday’s view of the hinds was a reminder that as God was with her through her past trials He would be with her no matter what she faced in her future.
The scriptures before her comforted her that God was her Rock and Refuge. This God would be her teacher teaching her “arms to wars” or as another translation spoke training her “hands for battle”. The whole passage was an encouragement that Mary was not only being led by the Holy Spirit for what faced her but that God would be with her during this battle.
Mary was encouraged because she recognized what the next challenge was: it was what she had run from all these years; dealing with the past rejection by the Church. She knew all her life it would come to this day. From her professional experience Mary was aware that God used present situations to heal past wounds. Mary had never truly been healed of the childhood rejection of the black hooded nun grabbing her and preventing her from receiving her First Communion. Oh yes, she had gone for many, many prayers but sometimes, as in this situation, some healing had to take place in re-experiencing the past through the present situation which acted like a trigger to the past incident. That thought did not excite Mary.
As Mary recalled the Connemara Mountains and the second mountain peek she realized how much bigger and more intimidating the later was. This did not excite Mary either. She found within herself the fearful, familiar character, Much Afraid, of the Hurnard book, coming to life again. However, Mary had been through a lot all these years and God had been with her. As God had been with her so He would be with her again.
He would make her feet as swift as the deer she watched yesterday that clipped their way up the hills. She would stand on the heights someday, she knew it. She would see God’s promise of scripture come true that God would “stoop down to make [her] great. “
This was all in the future, in her New Year. This is what faced her but she was not alone. God was with her and promised He would get her there: he was making her “feet like hind’s feet” and God would “enable [her] stand on those “heights”.Looking out her window that day Mary thought about the last seven years living in this very, very flat county. It had been a land of lack but God had provided through those years and Mary and Robin had grown closer together to each other and God during this time. It was a good time. But God was about to change all that and lead Mary and Robin someplace else. Perhaps the time of financial difficulty was about to end but in its place God was putting a new hurtle. Mary didn’t think both would exist side by side because she knew God never gave you more than you could handle. So Mary looked forward to the New Year and saying goodbye to her debt. However, the new hump she would have to get over was far greater than anything she had faced.
Mary considered the deer she had seen yesterday once again. The young stags had appeared so strong and appeared to climb the ridge with such ease. Perhaps that is what it was to have feet like hinds’ feet: one was enabled to face and bound through trials and climb the mountains of difficulties with victory and triumph.
As Mary considered this thought she realized God’s answer to her prayer for Christmas, her Christmas present to know God’s will for her life had just expanded. Mary now knew she would be moving on in the famine just like those in history who travelled around looking for food. She and Robin would be moving to Windsor. There God said her ministry was to bring good news to the afflicted and poor and it seemed now this would all be done in the context of the church and under their umbrella. This later truth meant dealing with those in charge. However, despite Mary having a hard time seeing the gift in this she knew she had asked God’s will. God’s will was not only for her to work with and through the church to bring good news to the poor. God was indicating in the process Mary would be facing the challenge of her life: to face an old wound that hadn’t been totally healed.
However, God‘s will for her was not without His love and support. You see in the last couple of days God was indicating He would lead her; His gift to her included strength like that of the doe and an ability to climb every mountain. Her hind’s feet would get her to those high places. Mary felt no matter how long it took it was the last leg of her journey. But no matter what: God was with them on this mountain climb and someday would stand on the heights with her. This was for sure, dear reader, this was for sure!
It was the last translation she looked at that supplied a note of recognition to the verse. This passage in the King James Version was all too familiar. It deciphered the original text this way: “He makes my feet like hind’s feet: and setteth me upon high places”. Mary had read a book years and years ago by Hannah Hurnard entitled Hinds Feet on High Places. It was a metaphor for the story of the Christian walk showing the struggle of the main character, Much Afraid, as she journeyed through life and up a mountain of troubles.
Mary had identified with this story in her past life as she struggled through a tough marriage and her personal struggles with being a Christian. When Mary's first marriage ended and she had finished university she had gone to Ireland to celebrate. While there she found herself driving through the Connemara Mountains. She saw their beauty and greenness from around the lower edges and watched sheep and goats graze upon its emerald loveliness. At the time she saw herself having arrived at this peaceful place in the valley accomplishing the feat of overcoming the obstacles within the first half of her life. She had climbed her mountain and with God’s help had arrived.
However, before she left Ireland she stayed at a beautiful hotel in the north west of the island. Looking out her bedroom window was the view of the tallest and most daunting mountain she ever saw. It stood majestically in the clouds, so it seemed as the early morning mist shrouded it in mystery. While she looked upon this vision God spoke in her heart and told her this was the next mountain in her journey, the next challenge of her life.
As Mary thought back to that day she remembered how fearful she was of taking upon herself this confrontation. She had left that place and the Green Isle trying to forget what she saw and what God said to her. Today she realized that she was about to face that second half of her life journey and that mountain. Yesterday’s view of the hinds was a reminder that as God was with her through her past trials He would be with her no matter what she faced in her future.
The scriptures before her comforted her that God was her Rock and Refuge. This God would be her teacher teaching her “arms to wars” or as another translation spoke training her “hands for battle”. The whole passage was an encouragement that Mary was not only being led by the Holy Spirit for what faced her but that God would be with her during this battle.
Mary was encouraged because she recognized what the next challenge was: it was what she had run from all these years; dealing with the past rejection by the Church. She knew all her life it would come to this day. From her professional experience Mary was aware that God used present situations to heal past wounds. Mary had never truly been healed of the childhood rejection of the black hooded nun grabbing her and preventing her from receiving her First Communion. Oh yes, she had gone for many, many prayers but sometimes, as in this situation, some healing had to take place in re-experiencing the past through the present situation which acted like a trigger to the past incident. That thought did not excite Mary.
As Mary recalled the Connemara Mountains and the second mountain peek she realized how much bigger and more intimidating the later was. This did not excite Mary either. She found within herself the fearful, familiar character, Much Afraid, of the Hurnard book, coming to life again. However, Mary had been through a lot all these years and God had been with her. As God had been with her so He would be with her again.
He would make her feet as swift as the deer she watched yesterday that clipped their way up the hills. She would stand on the heights someday, she knew it. She would see God’s promise of scripture come true that God would “stoop down to make [her] great. “
This was all in the future, in her New Year. This is what faced her but she was not alone. God was with her and promised He would get her there: he was making her “feet like hind’s feet” and God would “enable [her] stand on those “heights”.Looking out her window that day Mary thought about the last seven years living in this very, very flat county. It had been a land of lack but God had provided through those years and Mary and Robin had grown closer together to each other and God during this time. It was a good time. But God was about to change all that and lead Mary and Robin someplace else. Perhaps the time of financial difficulty was about to end but in its place God was putting a new hurtle. Mary didn’t think both would exist side by side because she knew God never gave you more than you could handle. So Mary looked forward to the New Year and saying goodbye to her debt. However, the new hump she would have to get over was far greater than anything she had faced.
Mary considered the deer she had seen yesterday once again. The young stags had appeared so strong and appeared to climb the ridge with such ease. Perhaps that is what it was to have feet like hinds’ feet: one was enabled to face and bound through trials and climb the mountains of difficulties with victory and triumph.
As Mary considered this thought she realized God’s answer to her prayer for Christmas, her Christmas present to know God’s will for her life had just expanded. Mary now knew she would be moving on in the famine just like those in history who travelled around looking for food. She and Robin would be moving to Windsor. There God said her ministry was to bring good news to the afflicted and poor and it seemed now this would all be done in the context of the church and under their umbrella. This later truth meant dealing with those in charge. However, despite Mary having a hard time seeing the gift in this she knew she had asked God’s will. God’s will was not only for her to work with and through the church to bring good news to the poor. God was indicating in the process Mary would be facing the challenge of her life: to face an old wound that hadn’t been totally healed.
However, God‘s will for her was not without His love and support. You see in the last couple of days God was indicating He would lead her; His gift to her included strength like that of the doe and an ability to climb every mountain. Her hind’s feet would get her to those high places. Mary felt no matter how long it took it was the last leg of her journey. But no matter what: God was with them on this mountain climb and someday would stand on the heights with her. This was for sure, dear reader, this was for sure!
Monday, December 20, 2010
His Deer Presence
Early Monday morning Mary quietly read from Jeremiah 31:3 of God’s love: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; with unfailing love I have drawn you to myself”. It was a reassurance she needed this morning as her soul was a little unsettled. If she had only reflected on the moment and God's love she would have recognized the condemnation and guilt that had come upon her earlier for what it was. But she hadn’t.
It all started the day before during the Sunday service and the Vision class that followed. Mary and Robin were enrolled in the later. In the service the Pastor spoke about the church’s vision, the importance of unity and accomplishment of that vision coming through working together. One of the comments that struck Mary was the need for unity because otherwise the House is divided and there is a fall from influence and authority. At this point in the sermon Mary had felt condemned. Satan had attacked a weak spot: Mary had always felt if she had been doing things right she and Robin wouldn’t be suffering financially and she would have influence and authority.
However, Satan’s attack didn’t end here. During the Vision class another Pastor gave a masterful discussion on being broken and surrendered to God. The sermon for all intents and purposes was right on the nose but again the enemy whispered in Mary’s ear doubts and fears about who and what she should or could not do.
As a result, by the time Monday morning rolled around Mary hesitated to assess the truth of what had been said because she felt the worst of herself and feared she could never accomplish what she summarized from Sunday’s messages: that she would have to surrender to those ministers in that church and succumb to whatever test they put her through. Having gone through much abuse and rejection by different authority figures in her past Mary had kept her distance when it came to this Assembly. So now Mary’s mind was plagued with guilt and shame and worst of all a sense of hopelessness that she could not possibly attempt to be at unity with these people.
In her heart Mary was able to admit to God that she had sinned and resisted getting close to this group of pastors. She could go that far but knew if she was to repent then she had to turn around and go the other way. In her mind, in this instance she was to be in unity by humbling herself to these church people and trust them.
Now that was repentance she felt incapable of tackling. How could she trust them knowing her past history? So she was left feeling sad that she might never accomplish this demand especially if her salvation depended on it. Mary felt resisting what she thought meant unity for her would be displeasing God.
So on the way to work that morning with Robin Mary shared her sin: that she had been running from this church and that she felt the message of unity yesterday indicated she had to be one with these people and work with them.
It was in the middle of this discussion that Robin interrupted her: “But you are to be in unity with the Trinity first. If you look to men they are always going to be in disagreement. Let God lead!”Mary felt she had been hit over the head - and she had - with the truth. She was so blown away by it she had to remain silent for a minute before she said, “Yes! That is it. I have to trust in God. I have to be in unity and be led by the Holy Spirit. It is not about me trying to unite with the individuals in the church but unite with and be led by the Holy Spirit. He may lead me amongst them to work with them but it is that unity with the Trinity first before any other!”
Mary felt a great relief off her shoulders as the burden had been so heavy. She could trust in God and walk with Him where He led her. She was not alone. The burden wasn’t hers to carry nor was the feat hers to accomplish alone.
As Mary left Robin at the church that morning she smiled to herself at the great wisdom God had imparted to her husband. Mary’s mood had changed considerably just because she had been honest and open with her husband. Talk about unity! God had showed up and spoken and to think: it came through the words of her husband!
Mary‘s contemplation of their discussion continued as she drove home along the back roads of Essex county. Despite there being a lot of flat land there were some more hilly areas especially near the River Canard where it ran through the bushy backwoods. As Mary was driving through one such area she suddenly slowed her car and watched breathlessly as a deer stepped timidly out onto the road. Mary gasped with excitement. The beautiful gentle creature stood looking at her. As Mary sat mesmerized in her car she was even more delighted when a doe came out from among the trees and stood alongside the first deer. As they slowly moved across the road eyeing Mary as they went she was overjoyed in her heart when not one more but four more deer walked across gracefully in front of her to the other side of the road. Driving up closer to where they had just stood Mary watched to where they had gone and eyed them increase their speed and lift their legs in a gallop to fly up the side of a hill.
Mary’s joy turned to weeping at the thought of God’s loving presence and how it warmed her heart so with this sight. She was reminded of a scripture and whispered: “as the deer pants for running waters so my soul yearns for you, Lord.” How perfect the whole picture had been and even lovelier was another scripture that came to mind: that signs and wonders follow. Mary felt these deer were a sign and wonder that confirmed the wisdom Robin shared.
Part of the answer to Mary’s Christmas present to know God’s will for her life had been to realize she had been anointed to spread the good news to the poor, afflicted and broken-hearted. Sunday’s message directed the congregation to be in unity with the church and its vision. It seemed after her discussion with Robin that this message was just another confirmation of what God was showing her was His will for her life; she was to spread the good news and this was, in fact, united with the church's view to win the generations to Christ! Mary smiled to herself as she thought about her Christmas present this year...and those deer showing up: they really were His deer presence! How awesome was that, yes awesome indeed!
It all started the day before during the Sunday service and the Vision class that followed. Mary and Robin were enrolled in the later. In the service the Pastor spoke about the church’s vision, the importance of unity and accomplishment of that vision coming through working together. One of the comments that struck Mary was the need for unity because otherwise the House is divided and there is a fall from influence and authority. At this point in the sermon Mary had felt condemned. Satan had attacked a weak spot: Mary had always felt if she had been doing things right she and Robin wouldn’t be suffering financially and she would have influence and authority.
However, Satan’s attack didn’t end here. During the Vision class another Pastor gave a masterful discussion on being broken and surrendered to God. The sermon for all intents and purposes was right on the nose but again the enemy whispered in Mary’s ear doubts and fears about who and what she should or could not do.
As a result, by the time Monday morning rolled around Mary hesitated to assess the truth of what had been said because she felt the worst of herself and feared she could never accomplish what she summarized from Sunday’s messages: that she would have to surrender to those ministers in that church and succumb to whatever test they put her through. Having gone through much abuse and rejection by different authority figures in her past Mary had kept her distance when it came to this Assembly. So now Mary’s mind was plagued with guilt and shame and worst of all a sense of hopelessness that she could not possibly attempt to be at unity with these people.
In her heart Mary was able to admit to God that she had sinned and resisted getting close to this group of pastors. She could go that far but knew if she was to repent then she had to turn around and go the other way. In her mind, in this instance she was to be in unity by humbling herself to these church people and trust them.
Now that was repentance she felt incapable of tackling. How could she trust them knowing her past history? So she was left feeling sad that she might never accomplish this demand especially if her salvation depended on it. Mary felt resisting what she thought meant unity for her would be displeasing God.
So on the way to work that morning with Robin Mary shared her sin: that she had been running from this church and that she felt the message of unity yesterday indicated she had to be one with these people and work with them.
It was in the middle of this discussion that Robin interrupted her: “But you are to be in unity with the Trinity first. If you look to men they are always going to be in disagreement. Let God lead!”Mary felt she had been hit over the head - and she had - with the truth. She was so blown away by it she had to remain silent for a minute before she said, “Yes! That is it. I have to trust in God. I have to be in unity and be led by the Holy Spirit. It is not about me trying to unite with the individuals in the church but unite with and be led by the Holy Spirit. He may lead me amongst them to work with them but it is that unity with the Trinity first before any other!”
Mary felt a great relief off her shoulders as the burden had been so heavy. She could trust in God and walk with Him where He led her. She was not alone. The burden wasn’t hers to carry nor was the feat hers to accomplish alone.
As Mary left Robin at the church that morning she smiled to herself at the great wisdom God had imparted to her husband. Mary’s mood had changed considerably just because she had been honest and open with her husband. Talk about unity! God had showed up and spoken and to think: it came through the words of her husband!
Mary‘s contemplation of their discussion continued as she drove home along the back roads of Essex county. Despite there being a lot of flat land there were some more hilly areas especially near the River Canard where it ran through the bushy backwoods. As Mary was driving through one such area she suddenly slowed her car and watched breathlessly as a deer stepped timidly out onto the road. Mary gasped with excitement. The beautiful gentle creature stood looking at her. As Mary sat mesmerized in her car she was even more delighted when a doe came out from among the trees and stood alongside the first deer. As they slowly moved across the road eyeing Mary as they went she was overjoyed in her heart when not one more but four more deer walked across gracefully in front of her to the other side of the road. Driving up closer to where they had just stood Mary watched to where they had gone and eyed them increase their speed and lift their legs in a gallop to fly up the side of a hill.
Mary’s joy turned to weeping at the thought of God’s loving presence and how it warmed her heart so with this sight. She was reminded of a scripture and whispered: “as the deer pants for running waters so my soul yearns for you, Lord.” How perfect the whole picture had been and even lovelier was another scripture that came to mind: that signs and wonders follow. Mary felt these deer were a sign and wonder that confirmed the wisdom Robin shared.
Part of the answer to Mary’s Christmas present to know God’s will for her life had been to realize she had been anointed to spread the good news to the poor, afflicted and broken-hearted. Sunday’s message directed the congregation to be in unity with the church and its vision. It seemed after her discussion with Robin that this message was just another confirmation of what God was showing her was His will for her life; she was to spread the good news and this was, in fact, united with the church's view to win the generations to Christ! Mary smiled to herself as she thought about her Christmas present this year...and those deer showing up: they really were His deer presence! How awesome was that, yes awesome indeed!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Glad Tidings to the Poor
Mary had received quite a gift and answer to prayer. The gift she asked for God that Christmas was to know God’s will for her life. Well, the revelation that initially came indicated that in times of famine people often moved and relocated. It seemed to Mary that right now this was God’s will for her life – to move to Windsor.
The answer to this prayer did not end with this insight, however. Following on this disclosure from God came another shortly afterwards. Mary had listened to the woes of so many this Christmas and normally she would have tried to carry the burden around. This year she decided that just as with the burden of guilt she could no longer carry other’s problems either. She would pray for them instead. Coupled with this decision God spoke to Mary’s heart directly about the afflicted, the poor and needy.
Mary had been reading Isaiah 61:1-2; the very words Jesus had quoted in the Gospel of Luke. Normally, because of the abuse of her past her focus on that passage tended to dwell on God’s promise to heal the broken hearted and set the captives free. Mary had found in her own life God had healed her broken heart and set her free from her captivity to an abusive relationship. God had used her painful past to bring healing to those around her.
However, on this particular morning Mary was quickened in her spirit to read:
“The spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me because the Lord has anointed me and qualified me to preach the Gospel of good tidings to the meek, the poor, and the afflicted.” She had stopped there because God had been showing her a whole new meaning to the word “affliction”. It now had come to mean someone having troubles, dealing with adversity, calamity, grief, sorrow, and going through a famine.
Now as she looked back at the last seven years of her afflictiion Mary had learned to live through a famine of sorts and through poverty. Her insight of the day before encouraged her that what she went through had helped her grow. How much had she learned about cooking and budgeting? How much more had she learned to trust God?
But this day’s insight seemed to be another part in God’s answer to her prayer for Christmas: to know His will for her life. For God was suggesting deep down within Mary’s heart that her ministry might be to the poor now. They were moving to Windsor in this time of famine. Mary knew they would have to downsize into a much cheaper home to get their debt down. This meant they wouldn’t be living in the prettiest part of town. But Mary knew she would meet many poor and deprived there. God’s will for her was a ministry to bring the Good News to the poor. Mary was set to go.
God never failed to amaze Mary. Recently Mary and Robin had both agreed to take the Vision leadership course at church. There they learned that the church’s mission was to win the generations to Christ, connect them to the Master’s plan, empower them to succeed and finally, grow the kingdom. This mission lined up with this direction from the Word: that as God’s anointed she was to bring good news to the poor. Mary was grateful that God had given her part or all of her Christmas gift. She was delighted that she now saw God’s will for her life: she was to go in this time of famine to Windsor and speak the good news to the poor. She was to tell of this time of God’s favour, that it had come. She was to share the gospel of this Good News and testify of this same favour and grace she had experienced firsthand. She was the living testament of this Good News! God had used it all for this very moment in time to go and bring good news to the afflicted, just as she had been! “How awesome is that, Mary thought to herself, how awesome is that! Thank you, Lord, for this gift, this wonderful, wonderful Christmas present!”All her past years was beginning to make sense now with the truths that were coming this last while about what she had been through and this answer to prayer. With it came a new lightness, a new freedom and a peace that past all understanding. Odd, isn’t it, how such a simple prayer for one simple gift could leave in its wake so much more than a person could ask or imagine! But it did dear reader! It certainly did.
The answer to this prayer did not end with this insight, however. Following on this disclosure from God came another shortly afterwards. Mary had listened to the woes of so many this Christmas and normally she would have tried to carry the burden around. This year she decided that just as with the burden of guilt she could no longer carry other’s problems either. She would pray for them instead. Coupled with this decision God spoke to Mary’s heart directly about the afflicted, the poor and needy.
Mary had been reading Isaiah 61:1-2; the very words Jesus had quoted in the Gospel of Luke. Normally, because of the abuse of her past her focus on that passage tended to dwell on God’s promise to heal the broken hearted and set the captives free. Mary had found in her own life God had healed her broken heart and set her free from her captivity to an abusive relationship. God had used her painful past to bring healing to those around her.
However, on this particular morning Mary was quickened in her spirit to read:
“The spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me because the Lord has anointed me and qualified me to preach the Gospel of good tidings to the meek, the poor, and the afflicted.” She had stopped there because God had been showing her a whole new meaning to the word “affliction”. It now had come to mean someone having troubles, dealing with adversity, calamity, grief, sorrow, and going through a famine.
Now as she looked back at the last seven years of her afflictiion Mary had learned to live through a famine of sorts and through poverty. Her insight of the day before encouraged her that what she went through had helped her grow. How much had she learned about cooking and budgeting? How much more had she learned to trust God?
But this day’s insight seemed to be another part in God’s answer to her prayer for Christmas: to know His will for her life. For God was suggesting deep down within Mary’s heart that her ministry might be to the poor now. They were moving to Windsor in this time of famine. Mary knew they would have to downsize into a much cheaper home to get their debt down. This meant they wouldn’t be living in the prettiest part of town. But Mary knew she would meet many poor and deprived there. God’s will for her was a ministry to bring the Good News to the poor. Mary was set to go.
God never failed to amaze Mary. Recently Mary and Robin had both agreed to take the Vision leadership course at church. There they learned that the church’s mission was to win the generations to Christ, connect them to the Master’s plan, empower them to succeed and finally, grow the kingdom. This mission lined up with this direction from the Word: that as God’s anointed she was to bring good news to the poor. Mary was grateful that God had given her part or all of her Christmas gift. She was delighted that she now saw God’s will for her life: she was to go in this time of famine to Windsor and speak the good news to the poor. She was to tell of this time of God’s favour, that it had come. She was to share the gospel of this Good News and testify of this same favour and grace she had experienced firsthand. She was the living testament of this Good News! God had used it all for this very moment in time to go and bring good news to the afflicted, just as she had been! “How awesome is that, Mary thought to herself, how awesome is that! Thank you, Lord, for this gift, this wonderful, wonderful Christmas present!”All her past years was beginning to make sense now with the truths that were coming this last while about what she had been through and this answer to prayer. With it came a new lightness, a new freedom and a peace that past all understanding. Odd, isn’t it, how such a simple prayer for one simple gift could leave in its wake so much more than a person could ask or imagine! But it did dear reader! It certainly did.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Famine's Purpose
Mary’s week began with quite an expensive purchase: new winter tires. A horrible winter storm had settled on Essex County and to top that the high winds blasted across the very, very flat crop lands and hid the side roads underneath the tundra! Needless to say the drive into the Windsor after a week off was very stressful. Robin was in more than agreement on Mary checking out the prices of tires and getting them on the car. Her car had swerved all over the place even though Mary was only driving 40 km an hour.
The first blessing of the day came in a fantastic deal from the new Canadian Tire owner at the local store in town. A nice strong voice had answered the phone when Mary’s called back to give the size of her tire. She hadn’t known when she phoned initially but her calls to one of three other businesses in the area that also sold tires informed her of the size and number. Although the new entrepreneur of the Canadian Tire had estimated a good price for a set of tires Mary told the kind young man she would be possibly buying them elsewhere as someone had offered her a better price.
The wise young man on the other end of the phone had not let Mary get away that quickly and offered to match the price of the other vendor’s estimate! What was nice about this was that Canadian Tire was close by, offered a ride, and could also give her an oil change. The other gentleman with the better deal only sold tires. So Mary jumped on the offer and despite delays and frustrations got a new set of tires installed just in time to drive back to Windsor at 4pm that day to pick up Robin.
What was more exciting was money had come to Robin from a surprise source that day that would help immensely with the bill! Robin had recognized what his step of faith had done in agreeing to get new tires! Mary was pleased with this. God was at work!
The next day Mary had been reading about famines in the Old Testament. As Mary digested some of the scriptures on the subject she noticed that often times when famine came the Israelites were forced to relocate or travel someplace to get food. In both the stories of Joseph and his brothers in the Book of Genesis and the story of Ruth and Naomi in the Book of Ruth this idea was apparent.
In the Genesis narration Joseph’s father, Jacob, sent his sons off to Egypt during a famine in Judah. They were forced to deal with an issue that they had buried: selling their brother Joseph to the Egyptians 13 years earlier! In the Book of Ruth Elimelech and his wife Naomi took their two sons and moved to Moab because of a severe famine in Judah. In the case of Joseph and his brothers God used the famine to reunite them and deal with their unresolved conflict. In the Book of Ruth one of Naomi’s sons had married Ruth, a Moabite, while in Moab. Though the son dies early on in the story Ruth pledges herself to her mother-in-law to return with her to her native homeland after news comes of good crops back home in Judah.
If Naomi and her husband hadn’t of gone to Moab her husband and both sons might not have died. However, because they did go Ruth is brought into the family. The important point here is that eventually from Ruth’s loins came the offspring that continued the family line through which the Messiah would come into the world!
As Mary reflected on these stories she realized that her afflictions were not always the fruit of her lifestyle nor did it seem to matter if it was. What Mary saw was how God uses what man means for evil for His and their good. Mary thought of Romans 8:28 “all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose”. Mary had a new perspective on her situation right now. It arose from handing over the burden of responsibility and guilt of their financial situation to God. With new eyes Mary recognized that her momentary and light affliction was working for her a greater glory. Perhaps it would be important for Robin and Mary to move to Windsor during this time. But Mary felt it was okay at this point because after reading how the two Old Testament stories ended she realized if God had a purpose for her life it might mean moving from this small town they lived in now. Perhaps the famine in their own life was to move them out of this town for that one purpose alone: to lead them into fulfilment of God’s destiny for their lives in Windsor.
Mary was elated by this revelation. Perhaps it came coincidentally or just maybe it came because she had let go of the burden of guilt and responsibility of everything including their debt. Mary smiled happily to herself. That was wonderful. Why, what was even more wonderful was that just yesterday she prayed in the car with Robin for one gift alone this Christmas from God: to know God’s will for her life. It seemed to Mary that on her journey of faith God had used everything even a guilt complex to ultimately get her to this place and begin to show her His will for her life. Mary would not resist God any longer and this decision to move to Windsor. It was timely and right and just as their Patriarchal forefathers had moved as God compelled them He was moving Mary and Robin now. Mary smiled again as she realized she didn’t need to feel guilty about wanting to move – perhaps that desire was put there by God just as it must have been for Naomi and her family.
Mary wasn’t sure what would meet them if and when they moved to Windsor but it was not about all the “what ifs”. The question she should be asking she realized should not be a self-absorption or preoccupation with what she should do. The question should be “who was her God in all this?” The answer to that, Mary realized, would come daily as she took the journey with God, each step of the way, day by day and so far God had been good and faithful in her life. And this God was the one that was and always would be. Amen, to that brother? Amen.
The first blessing of the day came in a fantastic deal from the new Canadian Tire owner at the local store in town. A nice strong voice had answered the phone when Mary’s called back to give the size of her tire. She hadn’t known when she phoned initially but her calls to one of three other businesses in the area that also sold tires informed her of the size and number. Although the new entrepreneur of the Canadian Tire had estimated a good price for a set of tires Mary told the kind young man she would be possibly buying them elsewhere as someone had offered her a better price.
The wise young man on the other end of the phone had not let Mary get away that quickly and offered to match the price of the other vendor’s estimate! What was nice about this was that Canadian Tire was close by, offered a ride, and could also give her an oil change. The other gentleman with the better deal only sold tires. So Mary jumped on the offer and despite delays and frustrations got a new set of tires installed just in time to drive back to Windsor at 4pm that day to pick up Robin.
What was more exciting was money had come to Robin from a surprise source that day that would help immensely with the bill! Robin had recognized what his step of faith had done in agreeing to get new tires! Mary was pleased with this. God was at work!
The next day Mary had been reading about famines in the Old Testament. As Mary digested some of the scriptures on the subject she noticed that often times when famine came the Israelites were forced to relocate or travel someplace to get food. In both the stories of Joseph and his brothers in the Book of Genesis and the story of Ruth and Naomi in the Book of Ruth this idea was apparent.
In the Genesis narration Joseph’s father, Jacob, sent his sons off to Egypt during a famine in Judah. They were forced to deal with an issue that they had buried: selling their brother Joseph to the Egyptians 13 years earlier! In the Book of Ruth Elimelech and his wife Naomi took their two sons and moved to Moab because of a severe famine in Judah. In the case of Joseph and his brothers God used the famine to reunite them and deal with their unresolved conflict. In the Book of Ruth one of Naomi’s sons had married Ruth, a Moabite, while in Moab. Though the son dies early on in the story Ruth pledges herself to her mother-in-law to return with her to her native homeland after news comes of good crops back home in Judah.
If Naomi and her husband hadn’t of gone to Moab her husband and both sons might not have died. However, because they did go Ruth is brought into the family. The important point here is that eventually from Ruth’s loins came the offspring that continued the family line through which the Messiah would come into the world!
As Mary reflected on these stories she realized that her afflictions were not always the fruit of her lifestyle nor did it seem to matter if it was. What Mary saw was how God uses what man means for evil for His and their good. Mary thought of Romans 8:28 “all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose”. Mary had a new perspective on her situation right now. It arose from handing over the burden of responsibility and guilt of their financial situation to God. With new eyes Mary recognized that her momentary and light affliction was working for her a greater glory. Perhaps it would be important for Robin and Mary to move to Windsor during this time. But Mary felt it was okay at this point because after reading how the two Old Testament stories ended she realized if God had a purpose for her life it might mean moving from this small town they lived in now. Perhaps the famine in their own life was to move them out of this town for that one purpose alone: to lead them into fulfilment of God’s destiny for their lives in Windsor.
Mary was elated by this revelation. Perhaps it came coincidentally or just maybe it came because she had let go of the burden of guilt and responsibility of everything including their debt. Mary smiled happily to herself. That was wonderful. Why, what was even more wonderful was that just yesterday she prayed in the car with Robin for one gift alone this Christmas from God: to know God’s will for her life. It seemed to Mary that on her journey of faith God had used everything even a guilt complex to ultimately get her to this place and begin to show her His will for her life. Mary would not resist God any longer and this decision to move to Windsor. It was timely and right and just as their Patriarchal forefathers had moved as God compelled them He was moving Mary and Robin now. Mary smiled again as she realized she didn’t need to feel guilty about wanting to move – perhaps that desire was put there by God just as it must have been for Naomi and her family.
Mary wasn’t sure what would meet them if and when they moved to Windsor but it was not about all the “what ifs”. The question she should be asking she realized should not be a self-absorption or preoccupation with what she should do. The question should be “who was her God in all this?” The answer to that, Mary realized, would come daily as she took the journey with God, each step of the way, day by day and so far God had been good and faithful in her life. And this God was the one that was and always would be. Amen, to that brother? Amen.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
The Yoke of Slavery is Broken
Despite Mary and Robin being on holidays God’s healing process did not stop that week. (It never does, you know!) This concept of feeling guilty seemed to encompass everything. Mary wrote in her journal: “I feel guilty if I spend. I feel guilty if I run out of money. I feel guilty because I am not working. I feel guilty that I am not looking for a job. I feel guilty Robin is making wages and I am not.”As Mary reflected on all these burdens of guilt she recognized they weren’t hers to carry. She gave over the burdens to God . She confessed her sin of trying to be God and carry all her problems herself. She asked God to forgive her for this and surrendered this problem over to God to deal with it. As the week progressed God began to deal with this issue showing her scripture passages and situations where this guilt was so prevalent.
Streams in the Desert spoke into Mary’s heart that week about the darkness she had been wandering around in. She had been in darkness about her carrying the guilt of their debt and had tried to help herself find the light in their financial problems. Her guilt had led her to trusting in herself to find a way out without trusting in God and relying on Him.
Mary reflected on this idea. She asked herself in her meditations: “How many ‘ways out’ have I tried in this last year to escape my problems and my guilt? I tried buying a cottage, buying a house in Windsor – either with no success; budgeting until I am blue in the face, scrimping and saving. These ‘ways’, she wrote, made me more proud than anything. These ways have not seen me out of my debt nor relived my guilt!”
One particular morning the words from Isaiah 50:7 whispered encouragement to Mary. It suggested if she made the Sovereign Lord her help than she would not be dismayed, confounded or disgraced. The passage went on to indicate that God who justifies was near. Since God was near who would oppose her or contend with her? Mary paraphrased the scriptures and made it personal: “where my enemies and adversaries are, let them appear and let us stand together . . . the Sovereign Lord is on my side and will help me. Who is he that condemns me and declares me guilty?”That last line blew Mary away. Mary realized the one who condemned and declared her guilty was herself! God was on her side and would fight for her! Talk about a battle of the mind!
Mary realized her only duty was to recognize the guilt game going on in her mind and give the burden of it and the situation over to God. This God was the Sovereign Lord. Sovereign meant one possessing supreme power and supreme authority. “Well, Mary laughed sadly to herself, I haven’t allowed you that much, have I? I have been too busy trying to figure out things myself.”
Later in the day when she and Robin went out for a ride to a Christian Book store Mary was delighted to find many pretty things for Christmas. But she was bolted upright in her thoughts when she read from a pretty Christmas card “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given. And the government will rest upon his shoulders!” (Isaiah 9:6) This government, it went on to say, would be a “peaceful” government [that] would never end! It was a zinger that hit Mary right between the eyes. The Sovereign Lord who possessed all power should be carrying her burden around and governing her life. It should be a peaceful government. Boy, had she screwed up! But Mary was glad for these intimacies she was learning about her God. The promises would help her let go every time she tried to carry a burden of guilt which was not hers to carry.
Later at home when Mary looked at this passage from Isaiah more closely she read “the people who walk in darkness will see a great light”. Mary laughed to herself and shook her head. Hadn’t she been in the dark about her feeling guilty over everything? What a burden! What a yoke of slavery.
It was then that she read from Isaiah 9:4 “.... God will break the yoke of their slavery from their shoulders and lift the burden [of guilt] from them”. Mary sat their quietly stunned. What Jesus had done 2,000 years ago was here prophesized so many hundreds of years earlier. Mary felt the hope rise in here that God was not only on her side but as Saviour held complete government over her life. This Jesus had taken upon himself her sin. Why then, she asked herself, did she continue to feel guilty about anything and everything? Boy, what a burden.
But then the words of Jesus were whispered sweetly and kindly into her ears: come to me, Mary, you who are weary. I will give you rest, come with your burden and take my yoke instead. It was with great relief and ease Mary handed over her burden and decided to trust God and take His yoke. She needed rest from this burden anyways for she had beaten herself up so many times and never saw it quite like she saw it now.
The very next day Mary had the opportunity to walk down to the St. Vincent de Paul while Robin went for an eye test. Though it had snowed in the morning the sun came out in the afternoon and it was quite balmy. Mary was too well dressed for the weather with her big fur hat and scarf and gloves. She took them off as she meandered through the store looking at different things. While she was there she saw a coat she liked, a ski jacket, but she didn’t have $10 with her. She would have to come back for it.
Anyways, while there, she saw an old friend. This woman had befriended Mary when she first moved to Amherstburg. They had met at garage sales and got along at once. However, it wasn’t long before Mary realized the relationship was a little co-dependent. Mary had to do most of the driving as her new friend was either not well enough to drive or couldn’t get the car. Further, Mary recognized that this person often talked about her other friends in a negative way when they weren’t around to defend themselves. This bothered Mary. In Toronto, Mary had lost a close friend because of her own bad habit of being critical. That is another story! Needless to say, after losing her friend in Toronto after a 16 year relationship Mary was hesitant about getting burned herself. She tried to keep any bad comments to herself about others and resisted being in relationship to murmurers!
As a result of this Mary decided a year or more ago to cut ties with this girl. It had been a hard battle because Mary recognized now that she had always felt “guilty” as if the whole problem was hers. Mary left the store that day and met up Robin at the optometrist. She shared how she felt. What was wonderful about this was that God who had been healing her of guilt now had shown her an actual experience with another person where she had tried to carry the burden of shame and blame. After Mary's discussion with Robin she decided she could only deal with her share of what went wrong. She didn’t need to feel guilty now that they were no longer friends. She could let go of this person and the guilt! Wow, did it feel good. Mary found it very freeing to release the responsibility for guilt she had been carrying around all these years. Mary didn’t know how far God would take it but she hoped He would continue until she desisted in feeling liable for everyone and everything in her life!
Later at home, in the safety and privacy of her bedroom Mary prayed: “O, Lord, thank you for the work you are doing in my heart. Thank you for showing me the needless weight I am carrying around. I give over to you my life. You are Sovereign Lord and the government is now on Your shoulders. I no longer want to carry it. I will trust You and let go. Forgive me for trying to carry all my problems myself. I confess You alone are God and not me. You alone are Lord, Amen”.
As Mary sat back considering this prayer that came after such a restive week she was amazed at God’s gift to her. God had blessed her in more than one way this week. It had been nice not to drive Robin to work, wonderful to sleep in every morning but most of all Mary was thankful to have heard from God. Robin would be back to work on Monday and their routine would get back into place once again. However, one thing was for sure, the amazing God who was always up to something new would continue to surprise her with His loving presence. It was a journey that never ended with Him. No matter what she had been through Mary had always felt His intimacy and affection. How gentle and kind God had shown himself to be yet again showing her this sick thing, guilt, she had burdened herself with. But as always in the past Mary knew this was a new day with God. All her guilt and shame God had taken to the cross for her. She didn’t have to suffer with it anymore. Mary smiled to herself feeling yet a little bit freer to face a new day and new possibilities with the New Year not far away.
Streams in the Desert spoke into Mary’s heart that week about the darkness she had been wandering around in. She had been in darkness about her carrying the guilt of their debt and had tried to help herself find the light in their financial problems. Her guilt had led her to trusting in herself to find a way out without trusting in God and relying on Him.
Mary reflected on this idea. She asked herself in her meditations: “How many ‘ways out’ have I tried in this last year to escape my problems and my guilt? I tried buying a cottage, buying a house in Windsor – either with no success; budgeting until I am blue in the face, scrimping and saving. These ‘ways’, she wrote, made me more proud than anything. These ways have not seen me out of my debt nor relived my guilt!”
One particular morning the words from Isaiah 50:7 whispered encouragement to Mary. It suggested if she made the Sovereign Lord her help than she would not be dismayed, confounded or disgraced. The passage went on to indicate that God who justifies was near. Since God was near who would oppose her or contend with her? Mary paraphrased the scriptures and made it personal: “where my enemies and adversaries are, let them appear and let us stand together . . . the Sovereign Lord is on my side and will help me. Who is he that condemns me and declares me guilty?”That last line blew Mary away. Mary realized the one who condemned and declared her guilty was herself! God was on her side and would fight for her! Talk about a battle of the mind!
Mary realized her only duty was to recognize the guilt game going on in her mind and give the burden of it and the situation over to God. This God was the Sovereign Lord. Sovereign meant one possessing supreme power and supreme authority. “Well, Mary laughed sadly to herself, I haven’t allowed you that much, have I? I have been too busy trying to figure out things myself.”
Later in the day when she and Robin went out for a ride to a Christian Book store Mary was delighted to find many pretty things for Christmas. But she was bolted upright in her thoughts when she read from a pretty Christmas card “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given. And the government will rest upon his shoulders!” (Isaiah 9:6) This government, it went on to say, would be a “peaceful” government [that] would never end! It was a zinger that hit Mary right between the eyes. The Sovereign Lord who possessed all power should be carrying her burden around and governing her life. It should be a peaceful government. Boy, had she screwed up! But Mary was glad for these intimacies she was learning about her God. The promises would help her let go every time she tried to carry a burden of guilt which was not hers to carry.
Later at home when Mary looked at this passage from Isaiah more closely she read “the people who walk in darkness will see a great light”. Mary laughed to herself and shook her head. Hadn’t she been in the dark about her feeling guilty over everything? What a burden! What a yoke of slavery.
It was then that she read from Isaiah 9:4 “.... God will break the yoke of their slavery from their shoulders and lift the burden [of guilt] from them”. Mary sat their quietly stunned. What Jesus had done 2,000 years ago was here prophesized so many hundreds of years earlier. Mary felt the hope rise in here that God was not only on her side but as Saviour held complete government over her life. This Jesus had taken upon himself her sin. Why then, she asked herself, did she continue to feel guilty about anything and everything? Boy, what a burden.
But then the words of Jesus were whispered sweetly and kindly into her ears: come to me, Mary, you who are weary. I will give you rest, come with your burden and take my yoke instead. It was with great relief and ease Mary handed over her burden and decided to trust God and take His yoke. She needed rest from this burden anyways for she had beaten herself up so many times and never saw it quite like she saw it now.
The very next day Mary had the opportunity to walk down to the St. Vincent de Paul while Robin went for an eye test. Though it had snowed in the morning the sun came out in the afternoon and it was quite balmy. Mary was too well dressed for the weather with her big fur hat and scarf and gloves. She took them off as she meandered through the store looking at different things. While she was there she saw a coat she liked, a ski jacket, but she didn’t have $10 with her. She would have to come back for it.
Anyways, while there, she saw an old friend. This woman had befriended Mary when she first moved to Amherstburg. They had met at garage sales and got along at once. However, it wasn’t long before Mary realized the relationship was a little co-dependent. Mary had to do most of the driving as her new friend was either not well enough to drive or couldn’t get the car. Further, Mary recognized that this person often talked about her other friends in a negative way when they weren’t around to defend themselves. This bothered Mary. In Toronto, Mary had lost a close friend because of her own bad habit of being critical. That is another story! Needless to say, after losing her friend in Toronto after a 16 year relationship Mary was hesitant about getting burned herself. She tried to keep any bad comments to herself about others and resisted being in relationship to murmurers!
As a result of this Mary decided a year or more ago to cut ties with this girl. It had been a hard battle because Mary recognized now that she had always felt “guilty” as if the whole problem was hers. Mary left the store that day and met up Robin at the optometrist. She shared how she felt. What was wonderful about this was that God who had been healing her of guilt now had shown her an actual experience with another person where she had tried to carry the burden of shame and blame. After Mary's discussion with Robin she decided she could only deal with her share of what went wrong. She didn’t need to feel guilty now that they were no longer friends. She could let go of this person and the guilt! Wow, did it feel good. Mary found it very freeing to release the responsibility for guilt she had been carrying around all these years. Mary didn’t know how far God would take it but she hoped He would continue until she desisted in feeling liable for everyone and everything in her life!
Later at home, in the safety and privacy of her bedroom Mary prayed: “O, Lord, thank you for the work you are doing in my heart. Thank you for showing me the needless weight I am carrying around. I give over to you my life. You are Sovereign Lord and the government is now on Your shoulders. I no longer want to carry it. I will trust You and let go. Forgive me for trying to carry all my problems myself. I confess You alone are God and not me. You alone are Lord, Amen”.
As Mary sat back considering this prayer that came after such a restive week she was amazed at God’s gift to her. God had blessed her in more than one way this week. It had been nice not to drive Robin to work, wonderful to sleep in every morning but most of all Mary was thankful to have heard from God. Robin would be back to work on Monday and their routine would get back into place once again. However, one thing was for sure, the amazing God who was always up to something new would continue to surprise her with His loving presence. It was a journey that never ended with Him. No matter what she had been through Mary had always felt His intimacy and affection. How gentle and kind God had shown himself to be yet again showing her this sick thing, guilt, she had burdened herself with. But as always in the past Mary knew this was a new day with God. All her guilt and shame God had taken to the cross for her. She didn’t have to suffer with it anymore. Mary smiled to herself feeling yet a little bit freer to face a new day and new possibilities with the New Year not far away.
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